miércoles, enero 08, 2003:
song of the day:
toad the wet sprocket - all i want
nothing's so loud
as hearing when we lie,
truth is not kind
and you said neither am i. . .
- wow, i find myself incredibly depressed today. actually, i've felt this way for two days in a row now; i have a lot to talk about, and i think my lack of blogging has cast some kinda of bad karma upon me. oi. before i delve into today tho, let me actually utilize that spot i had from yesterday. update in a bit. . .
Neil Biswas dreams on at
5:43 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
martes, enero 07, 2003:
song of the day:
jennifer lopez feat. ll cool j - all i have
the nights i waited up for you,
promises you made about comin' through,
so much time you wasted. . .
- i'm actually writing this blog entry on wednesday, mostly because my tuesday ended up being so long, and so depressing, that i really didn't feel like blogging. ironically, that turns out to be the one thing that maybe could have made me feel better. or can MAKE me feel better right now. i guess people shouting at me for not blogging have had a good reason to do so, cuz lately my karma's been all bad. i was gonna make my new year's resolution to blog every day, but naturally i broke that jan 1st - so if i start from monday, will it be that bad? hehe. . .
- alrighty so basically, woke up this morning at 6:30, only to see my dad walk in the door. that's right, he just got home the second i woke up. explanation: my dad's been given night duty, so nowadays he leaves for work at 5:00 pm and doesn't get back home until around 6:30 am, so he's basically sleeping the whole day while i'm at school and what not. it's kinda depressing, because now i'm TOTALLY home alone when i get back from school (well actually, he's still home at 2, but i have uci and stuff after school, so by the time i come home to stay. . .). furthermore, i have to make my OWN dinner now every day, and as you'll soon see, that's going to be something i've taken for granted all these years.
- off to english as usual, where we corrected the sheets on r&g are dead that we did during break. i realized that i prolly scored extremely bad on the sheet, because mrs. stearns graded very hard on it, and at first she freaked us all out by making it out of TWENTY-FIVE (for those of you who are unfazed, let me remind you that a standard essay in this class is only nine points, so there are very very few points in ap english. luckily, she scaled it down to five, so no one's grade died *too* much. on the way to poli sci, i got really bored and saw kim walking towards class, so i followed really closely behind her so my shadow cast over her - as it turns out, she noticed just fine but chose to ignore me. =.= i got even more stupid during class itself, and decided to brilliantly comment on her appearance - needless to say, that didn't win many plaudits either. having decided that i'd wreaked enough havoc for one class (and on one person), i decided just to sit quietly and do my stats hw.
- onwards to spanish, where i basically did some more nothing. we're doing an ap practice exam, so i finished most of it before putting it away and trying to reorganize my wallet. why? here's the deal:
the DAY i came back from india, my mom washed my pants - with my wallet in it. -.-
- the worst part is that the wallet is probably my most prized possession. it's pure leather, and i got it from theresa as a christmas present last year - it absolutely means everything to me, even though it's just a wallet. anyways, somehow all of my pictures survived, and so i just reinserted them into the holders and put my cards back in. a nice surprise, btw: i found my dad's credit card, which i had borrowed from my dad monday nite to get gas but couldn't give back cuz he left for night duty. . .LOL. sadly, he caught me the SECOND i came home and made me give it back. boo. . .
- onwards to stats, where for the umpteenth straight day we did basically nothing. so much nothing, in fact, that i have nothing to comment on. physics wasn't quite as meaningless, and we saw a video with some pretty sweet demonstrations, like freezing a football and shattering it. xD ok sorry, maybe that just strikes a personal chord with me.
- and then came yet another hellish tuesday lunch, when i have both my ycy club meeting and my mun board meeting. today was worse than usual, tho, cuz i couldn't go to either one and instead ran off to want to take a cml test. i spent most of my time trying desperately to figure out the last two, and when i finally did i stood up triumphantly and got it graded by want - only to discover that i missed the fourth one. great. from there, i was going to run straight to the library for tutoring, but natalya was sick, so instead i ran off to uci to visit my professor, dr. zeng, who i hadn't seen for ages. he was actually extremely happy to see me again and told me he wanted me to help him out on a project, so that actually made me feel pretty nice. one note tho:
my uci permit's expired! oi.
- so umm. . .for the time being, i'm kinda flipping it over so no one can see the expiry date. xD i better not get caught for this. and you, the reader, had better not work for uci parking services and know what my car looks like =.= at 4 i had my differential equations discussion, where i found my ta to be a filipino guy with a nose ring. i swear he almost looked punkish, but he was definitely smart as hell - really nice, too. i crashed the bme (biomedical engineering) 1 class afterwards, only cuz a bunch of uni ppl like si hyun, christine, edward, henry, jon, and ani are in it. . .but the class was superbly BORING so rui and i just ditched and decided later that we'd drop it. i finally got home around 5:45, where i thought my day had finally ended - but of course, it only started.
- i went online and didn't really see anyone who felt like chatting, so i was about to sign off when i got an im from filly, who was kinda depressed. she ended up calling me and we talked for like an hour (i think i'd only called her once before), but at least i managed to maker her feel better. the only negative part of the whole thing was that it stirred up memories of the past, because i remembered myself exactly in her position, with exactly the same problem. memories. . .
- after i called up anya really quickly afterwards to return her call, i realized it was already 8:00 and i had barely started on lit journals. so i was about to get offline and start working on that stupid stuff when i realized that i'd left jeNn and kaidi hanging for that almost two hours that i was on the phone. . .pretty rude. and THEN i started freaking out because as i started talking to jeNn, i was saddening her too (ironically, about the same type of thing filly was depressed about) - even worse, i realized how many times i had ditched kaidi before in the same type of situation and wondered if she'd had enough of me. *sigh* the worst part is i barely see her at school, and i can't really call her, so i only see her online. bleah.
- to add to the fun, puja came online and informed me that she had sat class, so she couldn't make mission viejo mun this weekend. after finding out kaidi was getting worried about finals, and taking myself off of the list because my partner for the conference was puja, i realized there were only six people going to the conference. that from a starting estimate of well over fifteen. . .depressing news for someone who's trying to get the club to grow larger. and more stress, of course, from the fact that after lunch mrs. want demanded to know why math club hadn't been awarded a grant yet from asb, and who was in charge of it - naturally it was my responsbility (i accept the fact that it was all my fault, btw) and of course she ranted at me a bit and made sure i did it. . .so, having to clear out mun work and math club work, as well as extra work for science club and csf, it was 10:30 before i knew it, and i still hadn't eaten dinner. here came perhaps the lowest point of my day:
dinner: a bowl of chicken flavor ramen. that's it. nothing else.
- no, that isn't very filling at all, and YES, i was very hungry afterwards but too tired and too busy with too much work to do. for the next hour, i whittled away at scholarship work although i found myself mostly chatting even more, trying to drown my troubles into friends. and of course, as usual, (this has nothing to do with my friends or anything, just the nature of stress) all it did was end up hurting me more because by 12:30, i still hadn't started on lit journals, OR my absurdist play, OR my physics hw. . .plus i was physically drained from the extra hours at uci and talking on the phone for so long as well as mentally drained from all the mental stress. i finally crashed at 1 am, hoping to find better fortunes on jan 8th. . .
editor's note: and of course, since i blogged this ON the 8th, i can affirm that it was only worse. right now, tho, i gotta run to rui's house to work on that damned absurdist play, so i'll be back around 8 and hopefully if i find the strength and the motivation, i'll fill in the blog for wednesday. . .i'm leaving monday alone. no point in updating, there was really no relevance to it except for aikido class, which i have on monday from 7-9 and is superbly entertaining. you, of course, shall mock me for taking a martial arts course in the first place. heh. last note: thanks to chissy for motivating me to actually blog; the vm's were a bit too much for me. . .)
Neil Biswas dreams on at
11:54 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
lunes, enero 06, 2003:
song of the day:
lifehouse - spin
i've got nothing else to lose -
i lost it all when i found you,
and i wouldn't change a thing. . .
i'm baaaaaack!!!!
- to be honest, i've been back since december 31st, but i haven't blogged for a number of reasons. . .mostly because i've tried to squeeze a social life of two weeks into four days and miserably failed. but yes, i'm back and i have quite a few stories to tell. have a dental appointment at 6 tho, so i'll update once i get back. see you all then!!
Neil Biswas dreams on at
5:44 p. m. //
reveal yourself
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