sábado, abril 05, 2003:
the superblog (adapted from emmo)
friday song of the day:
u2 - beautiful day
it's a beautiful day,
sky falls, you feel like
it's a beautiful day,
don't let it get away. . .
saturday song of the day:
rubyhorse - sparkle
i searched my head for some old spark,
fell about the place, fumbling in the dark,
and when i feel the skies will never clear,
you remind me spring is near. . .
sunday song of the day:
50 cent - 21 questions
girl, it's easy to love me now. . .
would you love me if i was down and out?
would you still have love for me?
- sadly enough, only ONE of the above songs is new, but whatever - not that much good new music anyways. a rather BAD time not to blog in three days, because so much happened in these two days i can't even put it into words. i'll skip the fluff for once:
- so on friday, i just got out of spanish, where i'd been spacing out and concentrating on things i really shouldn't have been, when. . .
julia ran up and tied balloons to my backpack!!!
- evil!!! for the REST of the day i had to walk around with balloons like i was some kind of elementary schooler. =P stats and physics went by pretty quickly, and i got another gift from michelle/kim, which was super nice as well. at lunch, i headed off to mun to go over elections, when out of the blue:
the whole club, even the freshies, got anya and me this huge cake and presents!
- i was so incredibly flattered/gloriously happy that i for once had absolutely NOTHING to say. it was really funny, tho, because jean, porter, kai, and the other underclassmen had this hilarious idea where they taped quarters to pieces of paper. super nice. =) kaidi got me a collection of really good short stories, too. *thanks* afterwards, i was on a complete high, and headed off to tiff's house with anya and sarah and THEN:
ANOTHER PARTY!!! waiiii. . .
- it was a party for sarah, anya, AND me because our birthdays all fell in the space of about ten days - so tiff took us to the park near her house, where a bunch of people eventually showed up: paul, rui, feffi, caroline, rita, lisa, jennyeung (all one word, mind you), priya, and sayeh. we did a bunch of stuff, like swinging (don't ask), freeze tag, and random stuff. an AWESOME time, even though i missed uci class (can you believe it? i'm actually not THAT much of a nerd). SOOO much fun.
- and, finally, the dinner at cheesecake factory that i'd planned for anya and me for a while. we ended with ELEVEN people, not ten, because feffi brought an exchange student who was staying (he was so nice though!). anyways, the nine guests were him, rui, jay, gilbert, tiff, kaidi, dolli, feffi, and sarah. the night was just awesome, and we all had a lot of fun (except POSSIBLY me, only because i make a stupid eating choice and kinda err. . .had to run to the bathroom and ended up throwing up my dinner. ugh. =.= felt better afterwards tho). just for my birthday, i'll pretend that kobe nailed the gamewinning shot against memphis JUST FOR ME!! bwahahahaha.
anyways, AWESOME birthday. no doubt. =)
- saturday was a blast too - the olympiad party at kali's place was SOOO much fun, and almost everyone was there. first we ran through mafia a few times, then we had a few games of bball, then capture the flag (and for some reason, si hyun managed to dominate. . .), before playing some cranium. (whee! had ceci and jin on my team) the worst part was having to leave early, cuz my mom wanted my dad and me in apple valley, but the whole thing was incredibly sweet of the juniors in science club. =) sunday didn't even compare, and i mostly just ran errands and whatnot. wheee. WHAT A WEEKEND.
Neil Biswas dreams on at
12:35 a. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
jueves, abril 03, 2003:
song of the day:
evanescence - missing
you won't cry for my absence, i know.
you forgot me long ago. . .
am i that unimportant?
am i so insignificant?
- credit to cecilia here, but for all the wrong reasons - see, on. . .what was it, monday. . .i put a DIFFERENT "missing" as my sotd, because i thought that was the one she was referring to (clearly not). in any case, this is a good song as well. . .
- not much to say about this day. econ was uneventful, as was office hours, as was stats. =.= now THAT'S succinct for you. afterwards, i tried to convince myself to do lit journals, but sadly enough, i didn't start until eleven at night, and i still had an unbelievable TEN entries left. oh boy. needless to say, i didn't finish until three in the morning, but hey - i knew i'd finish because it was my birthday. and besides, i started off friday on a good note cuz emily was kinda sleepless and so i got to talk to her!! =D tomorrow should be great.
Neil Biswas dreams on at
11:00 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
miércoles, abril 02, 2003:
song of the day:
brian mcknight - anytime
no more loneliness and heartache,
no more crying myself to sleep. . .
no more wondering about tomorrow,
won't you come back to me, come back to me?
- haven't heard this song in a while, but something i was feeling last night recalled this song in my head and i started listening to it again. it's the kind of song that really causes that agonizing sense of regret. . .
got rejected from harvard.
- and that, then, ends this wildly depressing series of rejection decisions that i've been getting these last few weeks. actually, i got one more decision before that - acceptance into the northwestern 7-year medical program. and that, i believe, is where i'm headed for the next four. . .err, seven years.
but do i really want to go?
- let's be honest - i don't have much choice. there's the 6-year medical program, but my bro assured me that nw's med school was far better than penn state's med school, and that it'd be better for me in terms of the future to go to evanston. the only other college i'm seriously considering is berkeley, but for some reason i feel like i'm going to just suffer through the same thing that i would have at stanford or harvard, except without the big "prestige" to back me up. in conclusion, i think nw's my best bet, and it guarantees me (essentially) a future. i guess i don't get UCSF med school like i wanted, but whatever. i should just stop being greedy.
in other words - i should stop dreaming.
- someone, something, please: give me some confidence. i have no self-esteem left, no motivation, no reason to believe in myself. i need something to demonstrate i'm worth something, that i'm good for more than just listening to people or being nice to people - sorry, but a lot of people can do those things. it makes me feel somewhat nice to know that i'm a good friend, but if that's all i really am, then in the long run i'm useless.
added at 8:30 p.m.:
- you know what i was thinking about today in the car? i moved here from apple valley after 8th grade. why? well, supposedly to go to a better school so i would have a better future. look where i am now. granted, at least i got in to SOME schools, but i hope i'm not being too haughty when i say that i could have gotten into those schools even if i had stayed in apple valley. in fact, i probably ruined my chances of making any good privates by coming to uni and not being able to compare to my fellow classmates, who are more qualified than me - had i stayed at apple valley and gone to granite hills high, at least i would have ranked higher in my class. what's worse, i haven't seen my mother (or my brother) for essentially 4 years - all this time, i've grown apart from her, missed her terribly, and realized that she no longer plays a mother role for me. and what's the return? what do i get for all this pain and suffering?
i'd almost say i regret moving to irvine. . .but then that would mean i'd regret meeting the people i've met. my friends are the only redeeming part of moving to irvine. and, if the future takes them away from me, i will have nothing left to salvage from irvine, nothing to justify my move, and my giving up friends like steve and versha. that really hurts.
Neil Biswas dreams on at
6:14 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
martes, abril 01, 2003:
song of the day:
matchbox twenty - unwell
and i know, i know they've all been talking about me,
i can hear them whisper,
and it makes me think
there must be something wrong with me. . .
- pretty good song - if you haven't gotten it already, just click on it (as usual). i think i took the lyrics out of context, tho, and tried to apply them to myself. i don't know why i've been taking it so hard on myself lately, because i didn't feel this bad yesterday afternoon. anyways, a pretty nice day at school overall, which was really uplifting (except for the part where jelnick didn't show up [stearns was absent] and our class lost TWENTY MINUTES of essay time) - will blog more later!! got a ton of work to do right now.
Neil Biswas dreams on at
4:09 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
lunes, marzo 31, 2003:
song of the day:
everything but the girl - missing
and the years have proved
to offer nothing since you moved,
you're long gone,
but i can't move on - and i miss you. . .
- props to ceci for reminding me about this song - haven't heard it in the longest time. incidentally, this is the non-dance version, so you might not have heard it before; i like this one a bit more because the ambience seems more fitting to the mood of the song (compared to techno beats =P). pretty uneventful day, so i'll probably just be studying for the next few hours. . .neurobiology starts today!! nyeh heh heh. . .
got rejected from stanford. ouch.
- ouch. yeah, that just put an unbelievable damper on my day. found out after i got home from neurobio, and haven't felt like doing anything the rest of the day. harvard chances are shot, so i'm probably headed to penn state university for the next 6 years. was nice knowing you guys.
Neil Biswas dreams on at
2:30 p. m. //
reveal yourself
______________________
|
